Everyone has things in life they can turn to for solace: binging shows on Netflix, playing video games, maybe even catching a concert. But one thing noticeably not on that list: being a Miami Dolphins fan. As I sit here and ponder on ways to explain to you what it is like to wake up every Sunday morning and try to get myself pumped up to watch my Dolphins take the field in hopes to one day achieve the feeling of celebrating a super bowl victory, I am doing nothing but upsetting myself more.
The Dolphins do one thing consistently, and if you’re expecting me to say “make their fans happy” you clearly did not read the excerpt above and have just in fact made me even more sad than I was when I started to write this article. For one, they consistently display their inability to scout and draft talented rookies. Let's start with the pick of quarterback Tua Tagovailoa at #5 in the 2020 NFL draft. Passing on a QB that most of the media deems to be the closest we have to Jesus incarnate in Justin Herbert for a quarterback that was coming off a catastrophic and nearly career ending hip injury, was a decision that created a divide amongst the fan base. I would like to state somewhere in here, before I lose my train of thought and fall into a never ending cycle of tears and ice cream, that I don’t hate Tua. But after his pitiful performance against the Bishop Sycamore-esque version of the New Orleans Saints last season, which cost me roughly $800 in a fantasy football league, he was walking along the thin line of becoming a sworn nemesis of mine.
All of that being said, in order for any quarterback to have a successful career, it is up to the organization to surround him with enough talent and support to flourish. As a fan of another team, you may wonder: Have the Dolphins done that? If you have to ask that question, you still haven’t read a single word and the tears have started. Since 2020, Tua has been dealt a less-than-desirable hand when considering injuries, keeping up with three offensive coordinators in two seasons, and even a heaping splash of trade rumors. Before the 2022 season, the addition of the constantly injured Will Fuller was supposed to relieve some of the offensive stress on Tua. But in typical Dolphins fashion, Fuller’s Dolphin tenure was shorter than an 11 year old’s favorite Tik Tok. We can’t forget the complete disregard for building an offensive line that is able to prevent your quarterback from ending damn-near every play on his back, which, believe it or not, is the point of employing offensive lineman! While most teams are playing football, the Dolphins front office is playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.
As we continue this beautifully tragic story, we must not forget the Dolphins’ contentment with living in mediocrity. I honestly don’t know what happens more often: a Dolphins team ending a season with between 7 and 9 wins and missing the playoffs by losing to the only winless team in the league, or Universal Pictures coming out with another Fast & The Furious film. It is hard being a Dolphin fan (if you didn't reach that conclusion from any of my previous words), and the best way I can describe it to you is by comparing it to that one girl all of your friends say is bad news, and you know it'll end poorly, but you ride the ride anyway because dammit you just love the thrill! With all of that said, I am one loss to Zach Wilson and the New York Jets away from performing some Hogwarts sorcery on my brain in an effort to forget what the sport of football even is.
At the risk of either contradicting everything I've just said or jinxing next season altogether, the Dolphins have actually done some very intriguing things this off-season. The hiring of coach Mike McGoat followed by many off-season acquisitions have the Miami Dolphin fanbase in yet another disarray of emotions. They've paired All-Pro wide receiver Tyreek Hill with standout rookie wide receiver Jaylen Waddle, signed Pro-Bowl offensive tackle Terron Armstead to protect Tua from all the mean people trying to hit him, and brought in much needed and appreciated upgrades to the running back corps with the additions of speedy Chase Edmonds, Raheem Mostert, and Sony Michel. I am going to go out on a limb here and say it, I think the Dolphins are finally up to something.
Everything listed throughout this article doesn’t even cover 75% of the things Dolphins fans have dealt with over the years. I didn’t even get into the Adam Gase or Joe Philbin eras in Miami, to which my mother would have to constantly tell me to move the f*** on. Poor confused woman just doesn’t get it. At the end of the day, my heart lies with the city of Miami no matter how much the Dolphins make me want to “accidently” confuse my beer with a cup of bleach on Sunday afternoons. Now, if you are going to take anything away from this article please let it be this: Miami Dolphins, 2023 Super Bowl champions, cowards.
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